I SAID..
Tony James Slater is a best-selling, (that’s my words) – and in his words, he is an unusual combination of science-fiction author and travel-memoir writer. He is here with me now – thanks Tony!
THE QUESTIONS
1. Focus on your book!
I write ridiculous travel memoirs. They’re not always intended to be ridiculous – they just end up that way, because… well, because I am very bad at traveling. Things tend to go wrong for me. Or near me. Or all over me…
My first book was about volunteering with exotic animals in Ecuador. I got bitten by a crocodile, electrocuted, shot at, temporarily blinded, and head-butted in the balls by a wild boar. Somehow I survived, but it seems like Fate is determined to get me eventually. I’ve since been chased by machine-gun-armed Chinese policemen, had live spiders hatch from my foot, eaten tarantulas and ‘five organ soup’, and been washed off the side of Ayers Rock. Naturally, I wrote books about all of it – but you might not want to read them in public 😉
2. Fine art: The craft of writing!
I’m a terrible writer. My style, if such a thing can be said to exist, is to write my stories the same way as I’d tell them to a mate down the pub. That’s how my first book came about, actually – those mates got so sick of hearing my stories that I needed a new audience! I tried to write in the pub, but beer and laptops aren’t very compatible. These days I write at home – and drink cheap wine while I do it! As Ernest Hemingway famously said, “Write drunk, edit sober!”
Ugh! I hate editing.
3. Fascinating you: What would locals in a foreign country first notice about you?
I generally walk around with a big grin plastered on my face. I’m one of those naturally high on life, disgustingly positive people, who can’t help smiling at everyone I pass. Some of them smile back. Some cross the street to avoid me. Most just start to worry – I can see their brows wrinkling as they ask themselves, “What the hell is he smiling about?”
4. Following: Which authors, fiction or non-fiction do you admire?
So many! In my genre, my favourite author is Paul Carter. His hilarious memoir of his career in the oilfields literally made me pee my pants! Which was unfortunate, as I was at work at the time. It’s called, ‘Don’t Tell Mum I Work On The Rigs (She Thinks I’m a Piano Player in a Whorehouse’. See? Even the title is ridiculous.
To relax I read sci-fi, and I’m in awe of Blake Crouch, who creates stories with so many twists I have to put the book down every chapter to let my mind process what I’m reading!
5. Fame: What’s your claim to fame?
Well, I trained as an actor, and spent years trying to become world-famous that way. Spoiler Alert: it never happened. But I did get to play tiny, blink-and-you’ll-miss-em roles in some pretty cool productions. The best was a shoestring budget adaptation of MR James’ Ghost Stories for Christmas by the BBC. There were only six of us in it, and one of them was Christopher Lee! He was on hiatus from playing Count Dooku in Star Wars and had just finished filming on The Two Towers as Sauruman the White… Now he had some stories to tell!
6. Fortune: Have you ever made any money? Won a bet, a round of poker? Or been the beneficiary from a long-forgotten distant Aunt?
I’ve done A LOT of weird things to make money – dressing as a giant slice of pizza, fetching tea and coffee for porn models, cleaning public toilets… but the best by far has been selling myself to medical science. I sh*t you not! Testing experimental medicines on myself has funded most of my travels, and all I had to do was lie there in a hospital bed for a few days. Or weeks. Oh, and there was the pain trial, but we don’t talk about that one anymore…
7. Fool: Just for fun: tell me about the time you made a silly mistake or found yourself the unwitting centre of attention
I make a lot of mistakes. That’s pretty much what my books are; one long chronicle of bad ideas, inadvisable exploits, accidents and cock-ups!
The one I regret the most was the one I had no control over. I was at a party, not drunk or anything, and I just passed out. I never found out why. But I woke up in a puddle of blood, surrounded by frantic people… Next to my was a pile of my teeth! I’d fallen on the edge of a concrete pool surround, broken my jaw in three places and ended up needing almost $15,000 worth of dentistry. Luckily, one of my readers is a dentist and managed to do my at a hefty discount, otherwise I’d still be paying it off!
8. Frippery: how do you make your mark?
I don’t have to try. I’m just… me. Too much me, if you ask most people. I’m nice in small doses, apparently… I’m one of the clumsiest beings on the planet, I have no filter between my brain and my mouth, and my sense of humour stopped developing around 11 years old. Consequently, I’m either climbing something, falling off it, accidentally insulting someone or laughing at fart jokes. Usually all four at once. In terms of dress-sense, I have none; consequently, my wife dresses me. Usually in clothes she’s bought for me. Which often feature bright rainbow colours and Care Bears, or My Little Pony, or anything else she claims is “simply adorable!” on me. Oh yes! I spend most of my life looking like a retro toy unicorn just threw up on me…
9. Favourite books?
Apart from those already mentioned, Katharine Kerr’s epic Celtic fantasy Deverry series are my all-time go-to books. I must have read each of them at least a dozen times, and I can’t wait to get started again!
10. Forgiveness – Is it better to ask for forgiveness or permission?
With the world the way it is? With political correctness running rampant, and health and safety gone mad? Forgiveness. Because if you can get permission to do something it’s probably not worth doing.
Stephen Malins, Author & Photographer 