Stephen Malins, Author & Photographer

Bob Payne, former writer for Conde Nast and other periodicals like Outside, Men’s Journal, and Islands, writes about his working travel life in “Escape Clauses” by Bob Carries On Media. Great to have you here Bob!

I SAID…

“A witty account of former Conde Nast writer Bob Payne’s adventures set around the world, mostly on tropical islands, the High Seas (oceans?) and rivers. His experiences were quite literally, poles apart – we find him aboard a super-warm ship carving its way through the Arctic icepack, but you’ll have to read the rest yourself.

He writes engagingly with a dry humour, and provides insights into humanity. (I’d expect nothing less.)

His lesson is that we are quite different in small ways – what we eat and wear, for example – yet humanity is remarkably the same the world over. I wholeheartedly agree with this nugget of wisdom as all I ever want to do is lounge in a town square with a coffee and gawp.

Thanks Bob. Filed next to “The Old Patagonian Express” for reference.”

THE QUESTIONS

Fine art: The craft of writing!

A question travelers are often asked is, “How many countries have you visited?” It is harder to answer than you might imagine, because everyone has a different standard of measurement. Can you say you’ve been to a country if you’ve only changed planes there, or ridden through on a passenger train, or observed it from a cruise ship without stepping ashore? My standard is that I have been there if I can come home with a story to tell. My 142-country memoir, Escape Clauses – Getting Away With a Travel Writing Life, is an effort to recall, one last time, the stories I have come home with.

Good travel writing is not about where to stay, or eat, or drink. It is about in what ways people in one place are different from people in another, and in what ways people everywhere are the same.

Fascinating you: What would locals in a foreign country first notice about you?

I always try to smile first and say hello in their language, which communicates that despite my ignorance of so many things, I am at least human.

Following: Which authors, fiction or non-fiction do you admire?

I admire them all. Writing is hard work and deserves to be admired.

Fame: What’s your claim to fame?

I claim to be the first person in history to make a phone call from the North Pole and get a message on my home answering machine telling me that I am not there. The fact that nobody has an answering machine anymore illustrates how fleeting fame can be.

Fortune: Have you ever made any money? Won a bet, a round of poker? Or been the beneficiary from a long-forgotten distant Aunt?

No, but I do see it a possibility for the future. I am the owner of what I believe to be the world’s largest private collection of McDonald’s placemats in foreign languages. If I can find someone else who recognizes that, I may be able to monetize.

Fool: Just for fun: tell me about the time you made a silly mistake or found yourself the unwitting centre of attention

In Egypt, during Ramadam, when, during daylight hours, Muslims are not supposed to eat, drink, smoke, etc., I did not know that the package someone asked me to pick up for them from a side-street warehouse was a case of beer. But the cluster of black-garbed women who pelted me with stones as I exited the warehouse certainly did.

Frippery: how do you make your mark?

I almost always wear boat shoes, almost never with socks, even at weddings and funerals. It marks me, to others who are similarly attired, as a serious sailor who is ready to jump aboard at even the shortest notice.

Favourite books?

The Great Railway Bazaar, by Paul Theroux, In Trouble Again, by Redmond O’Hanlon, and Reeds Nautical Almanac, particularly its section on childbirth at sea.

10. Forgiveness – Is it better to ask for forgiveness or permission?

Forgiveness. Unless you’ve got your finger on the trigger of a nuclear device.